Tailgaters, Trash Tossers, and Turn Signals: A Driver’s Survival Guide
Road rage is a way of life in Texas. When I got my learner’s permit back in the 1980s, Mary Lynn drilled into me the importance of cautious driving and the golden rule: “Watch out for idiots.”
We’re not big on name-calling—especially in politics—but let’s be real, sometimes you’ve got to call it like you see it. While neither of us has ever yelled at a driver who could actually hear us, we’ve certainly had our share of fussy, cussy moments behind the wheel. You know the drill: You’re driving at a reasonable speed—maybe even a little slower because you’ve got a pot of soup or a cranky toddler in the car—when some impatient driver decides to tailgate you like it’s a bumper car derby.
We’ve always dreamed of having a digital sign on the roof of the car to send messages to other drivers:
“Yo, back off—I’ve got a cat in the car.”
“Seriously? You cut me off!”
“Did you just throw trash out your window? Don’t Mess with Texas!”
And the rare, “Thank you for letting me in!”
My motto? “Drive like you’ve got a pot of soup in the car.” Driving isn’t a race—unless you’re actually in one. Slow and steady may not win the race, but at least it won’t spill the soup.
Then there’s tailgating—America’s favorite pastime for the impatient. Newsflash: Riding someone’s bumper won’t make them go faster; it just makes you look ridiculous. If you’re in that much of a hurry, maybe leave ten minutes earlier.
And what’s with the horn abuse? Mary Lynn taught me that the horn should be used sparingly, like salt in a great bolognese. A quick, polite honk is fine—a gentle nudge that the light’s green. But laying on the horn like you’re at a heavy metal concert? Not cool. The horn’s for communication, not for starting a shootout at the O.K. Corral.
Turn signals are another pet peeve. That little stick on the side of the steering wheel isn’t there for decoration. It’s a simple way of saying, “Hey, I’m moving over!” Even in Los Angeles, where using your signal feels like asking for trouble, it’s still worth the risk. In Texas, drivers might actually let you in. So, do everyone a favor and use it.
Merging, especially on the Katy Freeway at rush hour, is a delicate dance of timing and courtesy. If someone lets you in, give them a wave—it’s the driving equivalent of a thumbs-up emoji. But if someone doesn’t wave when you let them in, well, you’ve got our blessing to mutter something under your breath.
Thinking about throwing trash out your window? Don’t even think about it. Mom keeps a little cup in her car for trash. Maybe you need a grocery bag or a Hefty sack. Whatever works, just keep it in the car until you find a proper trash can. Remember: Don’t Mess with Texas—or someone might mess with you!
Basically, don’t be a jerk while driving. It should go without saying, but as we all know, common sense isn’t that common.
