Manspreaders: When Personal Space Becomes Public Property

When I was a toddler, Mary Lynn took me to visit her parents. Picture this: I’m sitting in Gramps’s armchair, one leg casually flung over the arm, looking as comfortable as can be. Granny glances over and asks, “Is that how a lady sits?” Without missing a beat, I flung my other leg over the other arm and declared, “Yep. And this is how two ladies sit!” Granny tried her best not to laugh, but that grin gave her away.

Now, that’s pretty cute when you’re two years old. But let’s be real—try pulling that stunt as an adult, and it’s a whole different story. Which brings us to a phenomenon we’ve all encountered: the infamous manspreader.

You know the type. You’re at a sporting event, a concert, or on a crowded train, and there he is, legs spread wide like he’s airing out a load of laundry. Sure, we get it—guys have a package that apparently needs its space. But does it really have to sprawl out into your personal territory? We think not.

But wait—there’s more! We’ve also got the leg-crossers, those charming fellows who throw a leg over their knee and then proceed to invade everyone else’s airspace. Heaven forbid you need to walk by them; it’s like navigating an obstacle course, with waiters and wives taking detours just to avoid tripping over that rogue limb.

Ladies, let’s be clear—we’re not suggesting that you scrunch yourself into a human pretzel just to avoid taking up space. Far from it. We have every right to occupy our full share of space, something society subtly trained us to avoid. Remember how we used to make ourselves as small as possible at sporting events, on airplanes, or even at home? As if the men in our lives deserved more real estate than we did.

Well, guess what? Those days are over. We’re done playing the part of the shrinking violet. But that doesn’t mean we’re about to go full manspreader ourselves. We’re just reclaiming what’s rightfully ours—our personal space. No more, no less.

Because let’s face it—no one enjoys sitting next to someone whose limbs are sprawling like they’re auditioning for Cirque du Soleil. And trust us, we don’t even like sitting across from that. Newsflash, dude: You’re not as important as you think you are.

Want to show your dominance? Take a cue from the head of a lion pride. The king of the jungle knows how to command respect without hogging the whole savanna. He keeps his parts to himself while keeping a watchful eye over his domain. Now that’s the kind of power move we can respect.

So, fellas, next time you feel the urge to spread out, remember: You’re not alone in this world. Share the space, and we might just share a smile.